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“I am on a drug – it’s called Charlie Sheen. It’s not available because if you try it, you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body.”

“I’m different. I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.”

“If you borrowed my brain for five seconds, you’d be like, ‘Dude! Can’t handle it, unplug this bastard!’ It fires in a way that’s maybe not from, uh… this terrestrial realm.”

“The run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of them look like droopy-eyed, armless children.”

“I probably took more than anybody could survive. I was banging seven-gram rocks. Because that’s how I roll. I have one speed. I have one gear: Go.”

“I’m not bi-polar, I’m bi-winning. I win here and I win there.”

“It’s been a tsunami of media and I’ve been riding it on a mercury surfboard.”

“The only thing I’m addicted to right now is winning.”

“I’m tired of pretending I’m not special. I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars.”

“People can’t figure me out, they can’t process me, I don’t expect them to. You can’t process me with the normal brain.”

“I’m an F-18, bro, and I will destroy you in the air and deploy my ordnance to the ground.”

“Dying is for fools, amateurs.”

“I’m not fair game. I’m not a soft target. It’s over. There’s a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins.”

“I wish him nothing but pain in his silly travels especially if they wind up in my octagon. Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words — imagine what I would have done with my fire breathing fists.”

“If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”

“I’m not Thomas Jefferson, he was a pussy!”

“(CBS) picked a fight with a warlock.”

“[A.A.] was written for normal people, people that aren’t special. People that don’t have tiger blood, you know, Adonis DNA.”

“I’ve got a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a 7 year old.”

“I’m shakin’ a tree.  I’m shakin’ all the trees. ”

[On why he's so quotable] “I’m grandiose.  Because I live a grandiose life.  I’m not aw shucks… because I’m gnarly.”

[On past prostitutes who've gone public with their Charlie Sheen stories] “Yeah, where is she now?  She’s under a bridge.”

“What is so bad about being under bridges, anyway?  Bridges should sue Anthony Keidis for defamation.”

[On being asked, 'Are you worth a hundred million dollars?'] “I think I’m worth over a 100 BILLION dollars, but that’s just on a cellular level.”

“I am battle tested bayonets”

“Resentments are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber.”

“Marry a tree. My other marriages didnt work out so I’m going to marry a tree.”

“We need to hack up the person responsible for this bad connection. Hack him up into pieces in front of his children. We need to cut off his face and wear it and go on a very tightly budgeted shopping spree in stores that don’t exist yet!”

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